Resolution

I never made it out of the cul-de-sac, having lost the desire to leave the sight of my Anbar domicile. The pull of sanctuary is strong and I've become a bit reclusive. In years past, I would have left for a time, forsaking the comfort of my city. Wanderlust is a strong pull. I have made a career of the vagabond life, but I have never considered walking away entirely. I could lose a year or two in the bazaars of Tor, I think. Donning the salwar and kameez southern men are often seen wearing, drinking the sweetened teas, learning the scents and cultural idiosyncracies of another city...all are appealing. I could venture north, instead, and revisit the mountain city of Thentis as a guest of Clark, of the House of Clark. Perhaps I would revisit, too, the notion of a companionship with Constance of the Vintners. She was young when her Father, a good man called Gerald, proposed the union. I had the glow of success about me at the time, I suppose. The Fall of Agamedes had just been staged in an outdoor amphitheater at the foot of the Sardar, a true world production. She was a lovely girl, a delightful, bright conversationalist and though it is not a requirement in such a relationship, I was assured by her hand maidens that she was not without beauty. She was simply too young. She deserved the chance, I thought, to mature a bit.
If not spicy, sweltering Tor or crisp, clean Thentis, there are a dozen other destinations that I feel a certain pull toward. Dawn on the road to Ko-ro-ba, Sunset on the Genesian Coast or the filthy wharf taverns in the Thassan Jewel, Port Kar, are all but a few. The low rolling hills north of Venna, too, with the groves of ka-la-na and olives viewed from a certain humble villa beg my attention. I know, however, that I will not be leaving. Not at the moment. If I am to see the world, I must first honor the duty I have to my city, to her People. I must gather the will to leave this lotus amongst the filth and show my resolve.

When I walk beside her
I am the Better Man
When I look to leave her
I always stagger back again

Once I built an Ivory Tower
So I could worship from above
When I climbed down to be set free
She took me in again

When she comes to greet me
She is mercy at my feet
When I see her bitter charm
She just throws it back at me

Once I dug an early grave
To find a better land
She just smiled and laughed at me
And took her blues back again

When I go to cross that River
She is comfort by my side
When I try to understand
She just opens up her hands

Once I stood to lose her
When I saw what I had done
Bound down and threw away the hours
Of her garden and her sun

So I tried to warn her
I turned to see her weep
Forty days and forty nights
And it's still coming down on me.

[Eddie Vedder. music from the motion picture Into the Wild]